L'amour de Dieu est folie!

Reality

2012-02-16T20:39:00.003-08:00

This is probably going to turn out weird… like a whiny baby weird.
Sometimes I feel like we as Christians have to be passionate about a certain something. You know? Like I have to be wearing an organization’s name on my t-shirt, and it better be a freaking cool t-shirt or it’s just not a good enough cause.
And if you wear the same organization’s t-shirt as so and so, it’s also not a very good thing.
Maybe this is just me, but I feel a whole lot of pressure to dive into some cause of some sort. It’s intimidating to me because I don’t really feel like I can do that. I mean, it’s really cool to see people passionate about one thing, but I don’t know if Im going to be able to do that.
There’s so much going on in the world and I just want to love people. I don’t even know how to love them well half the time, but I have this fiery feeling in my heart that keeps me awake at night and compels me to find any way I can to make sure people know they are loved. I think I do this well by listening to people’s stories (Maybe that’s why Im a counseling major)… But that’s not really good enough to go on a t-shirt.

I was reading in the book of John today (ok, I was studying for a Gospel of John test…) And I just love how confident Jesus was when He loved people. He always knew how to love people well.
He always knew what to say.
He always knew when to back off.
He always had confidence.
I just love that.
I want to be that confident in the way I love people. I don’t think Jesus needed a cool t-shirt or a popular blog to feel like He had to right to jump into people’s lives and love the crap out of them. He just did it. And it wasn’t all that cool back then. I don’t think people admired the way He did things sometimes. It was a little weird to some people.

I want to be so passionate about loving people that it doesn’t matter what context I do it in.
If Im an RA, I want to love well.
If Im living back at home, I want to love well.
If Im working at Walgreens, I want to love well.
If Im working for an organization nobody knows about, I want to love well.
I sick and tired of basing my faith on how good it looks on a t-shirt.

I just want to know that I am being Jesus to people everyday. I want Jesus to be proud of me. I just want to figure out how to love Him more.

So this was all some sort of reality check for me I guess.
LINK

Valentines...

2012-02-14T21:02:00.004-08:00

So today was Valentines Day huh?

It's kind of a weird thing going to a Christian college... maybe this happens everywhere- like at every college- but I've heard that it's actually a thing at Christian colleges. The thing is getting in a relationship and having a ring on your finger by spring. Now don't get me wrong... I have really great friends who are getting married right after they graduate and some that are already married and they really, truly have their head on straight. But, I have to say, that there's a lot of people who don't. It's a moderate obsession here... this whole relationship thing.

Let me give you an example... at my own expense....

The other night a girl asked me if I had a "special someone" (who says that?) to share Valentines Day with... I could have jumped at the opportunity to be really snarky, but I knew what she meant. She meant, "do I have a boyfriend"...

"No I don't", I replied with a smile on my face, hiding my cynicism.

"Oh... have you ever had a boyfriend here?"

wow.

"No, I haven't. I've been on a few dates, but nothing serious." (handled that one well...)

(here's the kicker---) "Oh... and you're a senior?"

I swallowed, took a deep breath, and mustered a smile as best I could. "Yes... yes I am"

In my mind here's how it went: "Why yes I'm a senior. And no. I'm not a pathetic loser and actually I don't hate my entire existence because I don't have a boyfriend. I'm actually functioning quite well as a human being."

So that's what I mean about the thing at Christian colleges. It's ridiculous really. What's even more ridiculous is that sometimes I fall for it. Sometimes I actually give into the lie that in order to stop feeling lonely I have to be in a romantic relationship. The truth is, everyone feels lonely sometimes and a boyfriend doesn't necessarily cure that. I've been there. Done that.

I'm writing this because today I actually felt a pang of loneliness. It's a little tough when all of your close friends get a Valentine and you don't... not even from your mom. And it's easy to feel unvalued or unlovely. I felt a little of that today.

But you know what? Tonight I baked and baked and baked for a Valentines party for the terrace ladies tonight. About 40 girls showed up and we ate chocolate until our eyes turned brown, put balloons in our shirts like Dolly Parton, and took fabulous pictures with pink feather boas and glitter sunglasses. It was the most fun night of the semester, by far. And I felt so loved and so valued and so lovely (especially in those oversized sunglasses).

That's what cures loneliness... not a boyfriend and a dinner date, or a gallon of ice cream and a sappy girl movie.

It's recognizing the community that you're given in that moment and appreciating them. You will never get rid of lonely feelings until you stop wishing you had something that you don't.

So... I guess what I'm saying is... stop wishing for something else and be thankful for whoever you have now. They are a gift from God and you won't have those specific people in your life forever. Make some dessert and have a party with them or whatever.

Know that you are always loved by someone.

Minor Key

2012-02-07T20:02:00.001-08:00

Here’s something strange about me…

I hate the smell of roses. Sometimes I think I’m breaking some sort of unwritten rule for the entire female population. All girls love the smell of roses. But I don’t. I haven’t since I was eleven.

When I was eleven I saw a dead body for the first time. It was my aunt. She wasn’t very old. In fact, she was very pretty and young looking for a woman at the age of forty. I didn’t know her very well, but I remember that I always thought that about her.

That day, I remember that I really didn’t want to be there. Not because I was sad, but because I was bored. Instead of sneaking into unoccupied rooms with my cousin in hopes of finding something spooky, I was stuck following my mom around and shaking hands with people I pretended to know. It was all very uninteresting to me, except for the flowers. Red roses- supposedly my aunt’s favorite. Those were very pretty.

I remember the moment I saw her. I don’t know if eleven year olds are supposed to be able to process seeing a dead body, but I don’t think I could. There, lying like a Barbie in a box was the shell of a beautiful woman never to talk or laugh or sing again. I couldn’t say I was sad because, honestly, I didn’t know who she was, but I remember almost wetting myself when I saw her. Looking straight at death from across the room scared me more than the Chucky movie I sneaked a peek of over at my friend Heather’s house. I never wanted to see people that I loved scrunched up in a box, painted like a pale porcelain doll, unable to wrap me in their arms and hug me again. I hated death. I also hated the smell of roses.

It’s sort of funny how God does things in our lives. I think He does too and He enjoys being a sneaky rascal. He seems to take the very things that make me squirm in my seat, fight back tears, or run screaming in the other direction and have me come face to face with them again in order to do something beautiful. I guess I should see it coming, but most of the time I don’t.

The most ironic thing God has done with me so far is given me the gift of counseling people. I love it so much that I’m earning a degree in it. And you probably saw this coming, but I have discovered that the people I deeply love to listen to are people lamenting some sort of loss. I have fallen in love with grief.

I love it because it forces us to be raw. Completely naked before God. Throwing our hands in the air and weeping from the deepest part of our soul is one of the most authentic things humans can do. And it’s necessary. Without grief we can never experience the complete brokenness it takes to make us fall to our knees at the feet of Jesus. It’s one of the most beautiful things God has given us. It’s as beautiful as music.

I have this friend named Julia and, in my opinion, she can sing better than anyone I have ever heard. I might be the only person who thinks this because her music is sort of unusual. I think that’s why I enjoy her so much. If I had to use words to describe it I would use words like delicate

and haunting. Her music literally gives me chills kind of Johnny Cash does. One time I asked her why her music doesn’t sound like the girls on the radio.

“I like to play in minor key. It gives the song an eerie feel, but it’s beautiful all the same,” she told me.

I think grief is like beautiful like this. Cold and somber but having the power to deeply move us. Maybe lament can be one of the most intimate ways we can communicate with God. Maybe grief is worship in minor key.

This past weekend I had some of the best food I have ever put into my mouth. Maybe I was just flying high because my entire family was together sharing the meal with me, but it was probably the food. If you’ve never had vegetable stew made from vegetables grown in the backyard you seriously do not know what you’re missing. All forty of us were packed into my grandparent’s house in Tennessee. I spent the weekend catching up with cousins who have moved far away, looking at pictures of new babies, and blowing dust off of my dad’s old yearbooks in the basement. The reason that all of us put our lives on hold to come together was because my grandma died.

We all came to Tennessee to weep and mourn together over the loss of the most vibrant, caring, animal print-wearing woman we all loved. But it wasn’t all sad. As we looked at old pictures of her, we laughed and told stories about all kinds of outrageous stuff she did in her life. She was, hands down, one of the craziest ladies I have ever known. As I was looking at old pictures of her I looked around at all of the people stuffed in the small living room.

None of us would have ever come together if it hadn’t of been because of tragedy. None of us would be laughing and hugging and getting sloppy wet kisses on the cheek from Aunt Mary. It took death to create this moment.

Even though I still don’t like the smell of roses, I have come to believe that grief has a way of making us see all of the beautiful things in life more clearly. Like the unique bond of family, or the gift of sharing a meal with people, or the miracle of a sunset over the Blue Ridge Mountains. Tears have a way of washing away all of the meaningless crud and free us to let go of things we once had so we can embrace the next gift God wants to give us.

So who knows what God is going to have me look square in the eye next. It’s probably going to be something that makes me want to run as far away as possible. But if God is as good as I’ve come to think He is, He’s going to make the sweetest music out of it.

passion.

2011-04-28T21:54:00.000-07:00

I want to feel made for something.
I want to have that moment where there is no where else in the entire world i would rather be.
I want to have something that I fall asleep dreaming about.
I want to have a fire so deep in my heart that I cannot help but chase it.
I want that something to feel so right in my soul that I know God wove in in me.
I want to have a purpose.. a specific purpose that I can follow with my entire life.. and not just when I happen upon it later in life.
I want it now so I can devote my whole existence to it.

I am dying for a dream.

Love is my identity

2011-01-17T21:38:00.000-08:00

Over the past year I have really been wrestling with this whole identity concept. I've heard every college student goes through it, but really I wonder if that's true sometimes. I mean I don't hear anyone else talking about not feeling like they have a place they belong to or a niche.

College is a weird place too if you think about it. We come here with all of these strangers and live with them. There are tons of clubs and teams that people are encouraged to become a part of and everyone makes their own mini life. We have jobs and homes and community and it all seems like we recreate ourselves once we're here away from our parent's home.

But what if the communities we envisioned ourselves becoming apart of don't happen the way we saw it? What if we don't make the team or find out that we're not as (whatever) as we thought we were. What if you can't find that sweet spot that everyone talks about and sees on TV?

It kind of feels like a mid-life crisis... or at least what I think it must feel like.

There's almost a pang of loss or a sense of low-grade grief because our expectations are totally flipped. We try to just pick up and go on.. find a new community or thing to invest in.. but after a while the searching is kind of exhausting. I mean, shouldn't we have found whatever everyone else is talking about by now?

This is the dialogue that's been in my head. Tiring isn't it? It has no end and, really, no hope. And I think it's a little too tragic to be reality.

I think God has been trying to tell me for a while now that my relationship with Him is the only thing that makes me me. All of the other stuff doesn't stick to me the way He does. I can have the biggest group of friends or just one and still feel lonely or unfulfilled. I can be the star in every play, starter on every team, and leader of any ministry and still feel like a stranger to myself. Whatever I'm searching for won't ever become clear to me unless I have God close to me holding the flashlight.

While this not so easy to keep in my head when I start to feel lost, the concept is so simple that I'm ashamed to say I forgot it. I can't feel like me without God! My search for identity in the communities here is meaningless unless I have every intention of growing closer to God and loving other people through it.

It's just like 1 Corinthians 13 says-- I can't do anything without love! Nothing else will last without it. Everything I'm good at will eventually end and my group of friends won't be impressive forever. If I have love the things I do will matter forever.

So this semester I want to focus on keeping my sense of home in my heart rather than in my communities. I want to feel at peace within myself so that I don't feel a need for a certain community to define me. I want to feel at home with God in my heart when everything around me starts to look unfamiliar and lonely. I want my identity to be love.

A burden

2011-01-13T21:32:00.000-08:00

This is something I've been thinking about for a while, but I haven't been able to fully put my finger on it. Tonight it became a lot clearer after I watched a great movie called Freedom Writers. Near the end of the movie the main character Mrs. G is experiencing the crisis of her husband leaving her while at the same time discovering a passion buried deep inside her to change the lives of the inner city kids through her english class. She is in the middle tragic loss and incredible and inspiring gain. Her dad tries to comfort her as she's crying and he says, "You have been blessed with a burden. Not many people can say that."

Right when I heard that line it all lined up for me (pun fully intended).

I feel like my whole life I have been fed up with my life. It's not that I don't like my life or that I'm not grateful. I am so thankful for everything because it has been a gift and it's all made me who I am. It's just that I feel like I've been given too much. A year or two ago I would have wrote a blog about this that said some things like, "Why is it that Americans have so much and don't care about the poor?" and "We are so selfish in this God forsaken country" and blah and blah. I would have probably used exclamation marks to mark my frustration as well. People have made a lot of money writing books that say all of those same kinds of things. It gets people fired up I think.
But you know what? After reading those kinds of books and talking in my "Christian groups" like that you know what makes me feel like?-- a cynical know it all. Sure it fires me up, but at the end of the day I feel terrible and ignorant and I probably haven't done anything to fix the problem.
Im sick of feeling bad that I have so much and then tearing myself down for it. That's not healthy and it doesn't get anything done.

What struck me about what Mrs. G's dad said was that he was pointing out how she had been all wrapped up in her students lives. She woke up everyday thinking about them and worked all day to help them become better people. She wore expensive pearls that her dad gave her everyday to class, and she still changed those kids lives dramatically. She could never relate to the kids in her class that lost their parents and friends to gang violence. She had probably never gone a day in her life without a good meal, and she had certainly never been looked down upon for the color of her skin. Plainly, she was definitely more blessed with material things than her students and that did not hold her back.

I have spent so much time and energy worrying that the stuff I've been given is going to hinder my dreams of helping people. I want my life to so wrapped up in a purpose my wealth is forgotten unless God tells me He needs it in the plan. If God can use the poorest of poor then certainly He can use me.
I just have to be confident that I can do it.

I probably have way more to learn about this before I can nail all of it down, but looking forward to seeing what comes out of this new perspective and I'm going to be keeping my heart open for a burden.

blogging is absurd

2011-01-06T21:45:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to hate this blogging thing. I mean really now... why did I think that what I wrote would be seen by millions of adoring viewers who commented regularly and always with praise? AND thinking this, how did I muster up the courage to put my mind in digital characters for all of those potential readers to read? Who does this?

I hope that because I have no regular readers that I can actually do this thing without being paranoid that's it's not entertaining enough. I'm pretty sure I like to write. I wouldn't be taking random journalism classes if I didn't right? And I think I must be decent at it to get A's. It would seem that I would enjoy blogging with or without lots of readers...

hm.

Well I guess I don't have a new years resolution yet and this seems kind of doable. I'm going to do this thing. I am going to blog and do it well. I'm going to pretend there are no people out there and pretend this is my paper journal. I'm going to try to keep in mind that this is for me.. to make me a better writer and thinker.. not fame or whatever.

here goes something..

The Beauty of Lattes and Colors

2010-10-27T21:15:00.000-07:00

Sitting on the sunny porch of the Big A coffee shop, I feel a chill in the breeze. I look around me and see bright oranges and yellows and deep reds instead of the usual spring greens. The world around me is slowly approaching the death of winter, but in the process, is becoming more brilliant than ever.

There’s something deeply beautiful about that.

In this short transition season, we enjoy the vivid colors of the trees, cool weather, and warm pumpkin pie lattes and we don’t even think about the death in all of it.

I think that’s what makes this season my favorite. It’s not the apple cider and butternut squash—it’s the hopeful paradox of beauty and death.

The flowers and trees know that the death of winter is coming, but instead of solemnly creeping along in their existence until then, they burst into vivid glory and live their last days in brilliance.

In these last days of nature, I am surrounded by the call to live vibrantly through the times in my life that feel like they’re approaching a sort of death. My walks to class remind me that God makes my life colorful and breathtaking even when all I can see is lifelessness and all I can feel is coldness.

Through this season, I’m learning that these darker times in my life are the perfectly crafted moments where He chooses to make my life colorful and comforting—if only I decide to notice it.

This fall may you see all of God’s brilliant colors around you.

Okay again

2010-10-12T10:55:00.000-07:00

What is it about Scripture that makes everything seem okay again?

It's like when you're a kid and some bully at school says something really terrible about you and you go home and there's warm chocolate chip cookies on the table.

Or when you're the bully at school all of a sudden and you say some really terrible things about somebody. You come home and you're mom says it's not the end of the world but that redemption needs to happen. It's encouragement with a kick in the butt.

Or it's like when you get to college and you don't know who you are and you think some really terrible things about yourself and you come home and are reminded that what you're good at doesn't matter nearly as much as you think it does.

Lately Scripture is all of this for me. I wish i could say that it always has this affect, but honestly, i don't run to it as much as i need to. I have this new desire to read the raw Word and it's like coming home.

Rockclimbing wall!

2010-08-03T14:24:00.000-07:00

I refuse to get sentimental...

This is my last week and i plan on just rollin into the RA thing at TFC without one single stupid little tear. That's why i'm procrastinating on writing the Koreans the letter im going to give them along witht the picture album and shell cross i made. Im also trying not to take too many pictures. Once i start i feel like if i dont get a picture of everything it's the end of the world. Silly.

So this is going to be a 'in the moment' post and not a 'this has been a wonderful summer..sniff..tear..' post, k?

Tomorrow my groupies and i are going to build a rock climbing wall! How fantastic is that? We finished the monkey bars and ladder for the fort today and we almost have the rest of the fort finished. We also have one of the two swing sets almost completely built. Don't worry, I will get pictures.

I will head straight to Toccoa on Sunday from MB... tell me about it.

Love!

boiled peanuts and choco-toffee coffee

2010-08-01T15:41:00.000-07:00

Sitting at the Chesterfield again waiting on my last group of campers.. yeh I said that last time, but remember my last post? I get one more group and we are going to build a surprise playground for the Koreans!!! Im still trying to figure out how to split up the projects for my campers, but im sure when I meet them all ill know where they fit. We finished up worksites this past weekend and Matt helped me practice my “skilsaw skills”. (I liked that too.) We finished roofing a house, scraping tar and repainting a house, and doing some little painting and railing at the Waccamma boy’s home. It was hard work, but I love getting a little painty and dirty.

Something I don’t love as much: getting into accidents. Yes. This morning Emily, Noah, Gus, and I had the grand idea of doing our laundry at the mat before church. It was raining and S. Kings Ave. was flooding. There’s too much detail to be interesting, but basically I got into a fender bender and the side of my car isn’t too pretty. That’s the facts. Talking about it too much makes me a little queasy.

Some fun facts: Jack just gave me boiled peanuts and I made some chocolate toffee coffee. I also finished my book “So long insecurity” by Beth Moore. I always feel a little embarrassed telling people that I’m reading that and it makes me feel a tad better just to say that. So now that it’s out I going to tell you that you should read it. No, it wasn’t a self-help book. (as if you’re arguing with me) It was just wonderful and friendly written. I love how she writes like she talks. It’s like one side of a conversation. I highly recommend it whether you struggle with insecurity or not (I think everyone does a little), but it’s definitely a girl’s read.

So that leads me to another paragraph: Does anyone have any book suggestions? I know you guys read because you’re reading this (clever!) I would love novel suggestions (in the unique sense and in the type of book sense).

Letteth me knoweth!

All of you are wonderful human beings.

Love.

Playground!

2010-07-30T16:51:00.000-07:00

Here is news!!! :

1. I get to stay for the full week next week.

2. I get a group for next week at... The Korean Church!

3. I get to build a SURPRISE PLAYGROUND!!!

Can you tell im a little excited??

I have worked all summer at the Korean United Methodist church building and beautifying their first sanctuary of their own. It has been a beast of a project but it has been amazing to work there. The Korean people seem a little timid so it took about 4 weeks to really get to know them. They have opened up so much and Mrs. Hye even said she considers me Korean if I would just duck down a little to be as short as her.... they are hilarious! Rarely do staff stay at one site all summer, but new projects kept coming up. We completely transformed the pastor's office and built him some awesome bookcases. We also got to build more of those awesome bookcases for a mini library where they can hold Korean Intensive courses for the community which teach people how to read and write Korean. The rotten wood on the outside of the church is replaced and repainted and the jungle of ivy and weeks is tamed.
It looks like a real church home and they are so so so excited!

Joe, my director, knows how much i have fallen in love with these people and has been helping me figure out one last surprise project for them. At first it started out as a couple of swingsets but now it has become an all-out playground. I am building two swingsets, a fort/platform with a ladder, connecting monkey bars, and hopefully a slide. I have never done anything like this, not even a deck, so i have been thinking and drawing and shopping all day. I have a team of 12, but im not sure if they are in jr or sr high. If you think about me next week say a mini prayer for me because i will need it.

Love!

If I sent you a postcard and you havent sent me one back...shame on you.

Homes

2010-07-30T16:33:00.000-07:00

7.25.10

Today was beautiful. Actually the last two days have been. Yesterday the girls on staff went to Mrs. Janice's house for the most delicious low country boil. Emily has worked on her house a lot this summer and has become like part of their family. Mrs. Janice’s daughter died when she was 22 and her spunky granddaughter Jayana now lives with her. Emily says she thinks she has opened up to her so much because she is a lot like her daughter.

After lunch we all snuggled up on the couch and watched a murder mystery on lifetime. It was nice to be in a real home for a while, and not to mention having a real home cooked meal.

Later yesterday three staff from Gatlinburg came in and I love them all. Jon is a worksite beast, Megan is the sweetest girl, and Griffin leads worship with Matt and Natalia and has a superb ghetto alterego. I really wish they were staying for more than a week.

This morning we all went to the Korean church for their 27^th year anniversary celebration service. Yeah! Here’s what’s up: last week we all had a major change of plans at the church and had to paint the ceiling. It was a little frustrating because our walls were halfway painted and ceiling wasn't going to look good without popcorn texture. But later they explained that they had to have it painted so they could go ahead and put the lights and air conditioning in. They wanted to have their anniversary service in their new building whether it was finished or not. I told Mrs. Hye we were coming to the sunday morning service last night but she decided not to tell the pastor or anyone else because she wanted us to be their surprise. I wish you could see the look on their faces and tears in the eyes when all 13 of us walked in.

Other than the scaffolding in the back and the paint tape around the window frames and doors it looked like a real church. I couldn't understand most of the message but I knew what it was about. He spoke on a passage in Luke-- the one about how to pray and the power of persistent prayer. Throughout the message I kept hearing "TEAMeffort" and I knew he was talking about us being the fruit of the church's prayers. The members told us so over a delicious, authentic Korean lunch. One older lady who had been a part of the church since the beginning told us that we were a miracle to them.

Their appreciation and warm hugs made me forget about the splotches on the walls and the many other imperfections that annoy me. The people there remind me of little kids on Christmas morning when they walk into the new church. It's not just thankfulness that I see but awe and excitement. I can now understand why they were so anxious to move in. They just couldn't wait to see their new home! I love that! That is the joy of the Lord! They are the body and bride of Christ and they are so beautiful!

I am so thankful that it was easy to see the kingdom come and the will of God done on my worksite because some homeowners aren't grateful. I've heard stories of homeowners asking for thousands of dollars so they could hire their own builders who would do a more quality job. I don't know if i'd be as gung-ho about working on the church if they were like that. I'm so happy that the Korean church is loving and giving, but I don't want to say that that's the reason i do the work. I want my motivation for working at TEAMeffort or anywhere else to be the same whether people care or even notice. I want my reason for working, giving, and living to be the glory of God. I want Him to be so important to me that I have no other reason for doing anything. 1 Cor. says that I can move mountains, but without love it is worthless. I want to love fiercely before I get recognized or appreciated for doing great things. I mean why would I take credit? Don’t all good things come from God anyway?

That is what I’m learning this summer. I pray that I can have this kind of heart next year as an RA. Surprisingly I feel really good about going right into another year as an RA. I thought I’d be burnt out from this summer but the more I work the more rejuvenated and refocused I feel. It’s funny how faith works isn’t it?

Doris and I are chillin in the chesty-chest waiting on my last group of campers to come in. Something dramatic is on TV so im going to peace out.

Love to all!

Le Pier Deux

2010-07-12T14:06:00.000-07:00

Relaxing at the Pier again with Kylie. I'm glad no one's here because it has been hec-to-da-tic! 211 campers this week and Gus and I have 50 at the Korean church. We got a lot done but I probably heard my name 100 times today. I think the first day is the most stressful because i have to get everyone in their stations and into the groove. I tried to make it easier for myself by making a worksheet for each team that has a list of tools needed for the job and a step by step how-to list. Type-A? Yes. I think it worked but by the end of the day the sheets were destroyed by paint and sweat.

This is my 5th week at the Korean church and i love it now more than i ever have. I think it takes a while for the Korean people to really warm up to somebody. Im positive they love me now. Eun Park, the pastor's wife and also the assistant pastor, gives me hugs and holds my hands and the pastor, Jung Pai, gave me a glow in the dark necklace and a stinkin' awesome pen with their church name on it that has all different kinds of ink. He gave me a hug too!

We are doing some stuff around the church that they don't know about and i'm pretty happy about it. We are building a gate for their air conditioning unit, landscaping and making a pathway to the back of the church, and washing the outside walls. Mr. James said he thought the church looked 2 times whiter than when he saw it earlier today! Gus also had the amazing idea of making a prayer labrinth around the back of the church. It's basically a little prayer garden with a winding walkway. He wants to make the path out of seashells and I hope i can pick the flowers.

Im in the skit tonight at chapel... look on my facebook wall to look at the lastest video im tagged in. It's a tidbit of how it goes.

That's all for now I think.

Tell me about your lives!

Love!

Le Pier

2010-07-05T13:20:00.000-07:00

Im on Pier duty with Gus but no campers are here... so that makes for a perfect time to blog.

This weekend we (the teameffort staff) got to hang out with Karen's ministry staff (Bri, Kelly, Emily, and Luke) and it was loads of fun. Have you ever played Neos? They look like something from the Jetsons and they are the most exciting thing. Let me see if i can explain this... it's like a cage or a wall, depending on which one you go to, of lights that you have to catch or hit, depending on which game you play. One person has to get the red lights and the other green. It gets so intense and you're running around and into one another and you get a little dizzy. Don't you wish i had a picture?

This week's group is my favorite so far. We have already made another tribe.. "Panasty-nast" (For the nasty paint) Of course i am the chief and my face got attacked with war paint. I have a heart, many dots and lines, and a swirled mustache at the moment. I plan to keep it on through chapel.

Oh here's something! We no longer have campers or complete strangers walking into our house! That's good right? You see we put a sign on our door that says "Staff Only" and "No, This is Not the Sea Palms Office". That solved that right up.

All of you lovely people need to check your mailboxes because I just might have sent you some love in the form of a postcard.

Cooper out!

free time? what is this?

2010-07-01T14:03:00.000-07:00

This is bizarre that I have free time let me tell you. I am sitting here with Megan and Emily in our freshly cleaned kitchen eating pretzel sticks and orange blossom honey. Megan stole some of Matt's fantastic cds and we're jamming as I try to think of something interesting to tell you all.

Oh! Here is something: Due to our house being the storage room for the Pier (our concessions/hang out area) a lot of flies get into our house because we open and close the door so much. With that in mind (we are not complete slobs) let me tell you that there were maggots in our sink. Is our house cursed with every kind of bug on the planet? I think so.

Also exciting: My group for this week was beastly this week and we finished the altar for the Korean church and built two walls along with sanding and remudding the ceiling. Er.. excuse me "muddockarockin" the ceiling. That's what we call mud. We also call sheetrock "sharockarock". My groups are the tribe of "mudockarock" and I am chief, or Queen depending on the group's preference, "Sharockarock". Clever huh? We have war paint and everything!

Another fantastic thing that happened today: one of my camper's butt fell completely through the ceiling. We have to get new sheetrock or whatever...but im pretty sure it was worth it.

And also an old guy on the team took out his teeth at me. I was shocked.

I still cant get my computer to load my camera, but I'm going to use Emily's because hers magically works. Stupid computer.

I love you guys and I want to hear all about your lives! I bought postcards today so check your mail this week.

love!

Un-Polkadotted!

2010-06-26T12:44:00.000-07:00

That's right! I don't look like a plucked chicken anymore and i'm not itchy! We got to move back into our apartment and we haven't had any problems so far. Praise the Lord! Now if we can only semi-organize the chaos.

I am at the laundromat again and not quite ready for another round of campers yet. Last week was my second group and I got to lead them at the Korean church by myself. Next week I'll do the same, but I think we will start on building the altar.. so cool!

Gosh there is so much that has happened that I would love to tell you all about but I'll keep it brief.
The nightly chapels have been going so well. We have some amazing worship leaders and the skits we get to do are hilarious. I get to speak to the students on Tuesday nights after the weekly video and on Thursday nights we do a art/drama presentation that is incredible. (Look up the "New Creation" video on youtube. We use a big canvas instead ;) Julia you would love it!)

Here are some other tidbits i would like to mention:
1. I ate Indian food
2. I ate Korean food
3. My mom and cousins came this weekend and we had a blasty-blast ;)
4. I've gone through three watches so far
5. I invented something called a banana boat...ask me about that

I love you all!

Attaaack!

2010-06-16T13:51:00.000-07:00

Sorry to all of my lovely fans (ha!) for not blogging sooner... as you see i am currently under attack. Yes, attack. The war started Saturday night when my skin started itching and Sunday morning was when the full out seige began. The foe?...BEDBUGS. I woke up covered in red bumps that looked like chicken pox and itched like cuuraazzy! The friends i have made here are amazing to say the least. They helped me find a way to the hospital and are still helping me disinfect the room. I am actually writing this from the laundromat while I wait for our (hopefully) clean sheets to dry. We think we've almost defeated the enemy but i still look like a plucked chicken unfortunately. More on that saga later when i figure out how to get pictures on here.

Other news: I felt like a superhero yesterday at our worksite. Before we even began the sheetrocking... ahem, i mean "sharockarockin" one of the adult leaders fell on a brick and gashed a hole so deep in her kneecap that i could see the muscle i think (sorry.. too much?) I felt like the cheesy people on those first aid videos because i did everything right. Cleared the scene, got directions to the nearest hospital, cleaned the wound, and wrapped it, and tranported the victim to the emergency room. She had to get stiches, but it was awesome.

The night chapels have been going somewhat smoothly. We lost power last night but got it back right in time to start. It was a VERY cool service, however I will have to blog later about that one... the sheets are almost done.

Sorry for any typos. My itchy hands are my excuse.

Love!

my summed up summer (so far)

2010-06-11T20:59:00.000-07:00

This summer i am working for an organization called Teameffort. It's a missions camp for jr high and sr high students and i, along with 9 other staff will be leading the missions projects. I don't know if anybody really reads this but this can at least be a good way for me to remember this summer. So off we go...
At the moment i am sitting with two of the 4 girls im living with in our kitchen. We have our own cottage/apartment-type place on none other than Myrtle Beach, SC! One block away from the beach but two feet away from creepers no matter where we go. Seriously, last night while we went to laser tag a random shirtless guy walked into our apartment and terrified megan who was the only one home. We have suspicions that he stole Natalia's grapefruit juice. Either that or our guys staff did. There are 3 of them plus Joe and Caitlyn- our directors.
So far we've just been setting up camp- the Pier (our hangout/snack place), building bunkbeds and massive quantities of benches (one blister so far and many other scrapes), and stocking our worksites.
This sunday is when our first batch of campers come and a guy on my staff named Gus and I will be leading a team of about 15 youth in sheetrocking the ceiling of a Korean church and putting in insulation. I've become very Lowes literate over the past few weeks and I feel so boss about it! Ever heard of tapcons and button caps? Yeah, didn't think so. Ill try to figure out how to load pics from my camera on here to show you the humongoid checkout process a few days ago. The receipt would make your knees weak.
That's all that's on my brain right now. Probably because it's past my bedtime. Im going to tell my fam to try to stay updated with me through this.. so if you guys have any questions, ask away!
Tomorrow's agenda holds skit practices and some painting... interested? Ill let you know about it tomorrow! It's intense!

leading free

2010-04-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

bid me to fall,

but keep my foot steady.

(Your best idea)

lead our dance in the green open field.

Small

2009-11-23T16:51:00.000-08:00

There is something that makes me anxious about the question: "What is your calling?."

I heard it a lot growing up and i hear it even more at a Christian college. When it gets thrown my way i automatically tense up and end up blurting out something like "social work, because it's like tangible counseling."

Im not even sure about what that is, really.

I guess some people have a big, beautiful "mission", like adopted kids or Africa.

I do not, at least not yet.

Like i said, it is kind of unnerving when i don't have an answer to that question. I mean, am i really a loving Christian? Don't all good Christians have a perfectly clear vision of their future "ministry"?

Im learning that while i do not have a war to fight. No specific cause to advocate. I can fight and love in the small things.

The small actions. The small thoughts and prayers. The small words. The small, quick smiles.

That is something i can do.

I actually love doing it. I love to create small love for people in notes, coffee dates, gifts, cookies.

Maybe God put a "small" love in me.

Living and loving in the small things has made living a loving and lot less stressful.

Blank

2009-09-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

I don't have a lot to say...which kind of fits what i am about to say actually.

I have a really hard time being quiet.

Or just doing nothing.

I love music. I love talking to people. I love experiencing new things. I love creating things.

That's why it's really hard for me to practice rest.

I love doing and making so much that i rarely do nothing.

I don't think that's healthy..

It really is just a sad thing when i can't relax on the couch on a lazy saturday afternoon.

I have to always feel like i'm accomplishing something.

Studying harder, loving someone more, creating more pretty things..

Like this: One time last semester we went on a "prayer retreat" and had to find a place somewhere in the woods and just hang out with God for 5 hours. I was excited about it

...but when hour 2 rolled around i thought i was going to come unglued.

It was awful.

I am realizing that i don't do well with Sabbath.

However i've been trying this new thing where after i take a run i find a place where i can be still with God. That way ill be too tired to do anything else.. seems like a foolproof plan :)

This whole silence thing has not been what i expected.

It seems like everyone has these big revelations when they do this, but not me.

In fact, it seems like God is more silent when i am silent.

But i think that's ok.

I think part of the reason God just wants us to rest is because it helps us get our mind off of everything- worries, to-do lists, goals.

For me, it helps me especially get my mind off myself- how i look, act, dress.

I think God is silent for me because He knows I give myself enough noise.

I think He wants me to be ok with stillness.

With accomplishing nothing.

With impressing nobody.

With being me...with Him.

Play.

2009-07-28T20:54:00.000-07:00

God showed me something on a walk the other day...

I used to think childlike faith, as it says in the Bible, is a lot like being gullible.

I used to think it meant, "Don't ask questions, just believe like children believe in Santa Claus or fairy tales."

But that contradicts what i've learned about Christianity.

We are supposed to test things.

And if we believe blindly, can God be pleased with that?

Doesn't Jesus want us to have faith in the hard times?

On my walk i saw to adorable little girls playing on a slip and slide.

They weren't slippin' n sliddin' but they were having fun talking and sippin' n spittin' the water out of the spout part.

They were just enjoying the summer day...

Not worrying about the chemicals in the water they were drinking.

Not discussing and arguing over the most expedient way to play.

Not thinking over how sad it was that the summer was almost over.

...They just played.

I'm beginning to think "childlike faith" has less to do with believing in God more to do with believing God.

A lot of times i pray-- no, beg, for more faith so i can do "big things" (whatever those are)

for God and other people.

I stress myself out!

I was actually walking that day to get "unstressed".

I miss the days when i was a kid sometimes.

It wasn't that it was easier. My little crisis's seemed huge to me then, but i somehow knew that it would be fine in the end. After all, my parents could fix anything.

I think God intends for us to have this childlike mindset all of our lives.

A childlike faith that doesn't worry about the things that could "contaminate us".

That doesn't stress itself out over a decision on "where it's best to serve God".

That doesn't dwell on how much better you could of done.

I think God just wants us to love Him and go from there..

I think He just wants us to play.

Fishcolate

2009-06-11T18:56:00.000-07:00

...Beware...

Seeing as i am a girl... I had one of those ferocious chocolate cravings the other day at work...

So i said to myself, "Self, you should find a way to be healthy while you indulge."

As i am at the register i look to my left... and what do i see?

Omega 3 Chocolate.

Good for the body and mind...

A Win-Win situation, right?

WRONG!

You see, Omega 3 is fish oil.

So after i regurgitated the "chocolate", i looked at the ingredients

... tilapia, anchovies, sardines...

Need i say more?

Be careful out there all you health nuts.

Walking

2009-06-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

Can i just say that Jesus speaks in such creative ways? I've just heard over the past few weeks Him speaking to me in ways that surprise me and i just feel so loved.

There are some times, i'm sure we've all tried to do it, to make something, like a church service or a piece of scripture "feel spiritual". It's like we want to feel like we are growing more mature in our faith.

It is so dumb.

It only happens when im at a stand still or stagnant place in my faith. When nothing really good or bad happens, i either am a little scared because i think something bad is going to happen or i try to find that place where God spoke to me in the past.

When i do the latter, I end up getting so overwhelmed with all of the stuff im "doing for God" or i just give up and think my faith isn't good enough.

I know God is always working in my life, but it is a little unnerving when i can't see Him doing it. Do you know what i mean?

I feel like i always have to be busy, working my way to God...

God has been telling me that sometimes i can't do a dern thing about it.

Sometimes God just wants me to trust that He is there changing me even when i don't think He is. That He still speaks and i can listen if i can just stop what i'm doing and hear it. That i don't have to run after Him when i can't see him.

In those times i feel that instead of God leading me by walking ahead of me, or holding my hand along the way; that He is actually walking behind me, whispering in my ear, on occasion, the way to go. That He knows that i can walk on my own now and that I just need Him near enough to fall back on if i need to.

I know that God is still taking me somewhere, and that gives me this rested feeling.

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place." 1Cor. 2:14

May peace be with you.

Hip Hip Hurray!

2009-05-06T20:14:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to let you guys know that we gave the "Share Yourself" T-Shirt ministry donation to the Toccoa Life crisis pregnancy center. I forgot to get a picture with the sweet old lady there. :(

We got the opportunity to give $201.90, and we still have 8 t-shirts left. I have some larges and smalls and an extra large, so if you want one, hit me up! It will give them around $100.00 more dollars if we can sell them. I know the donation we gave wasn't a lot, but i'm confident that the crafty God we serve will use it. Thank you guys for buying them! You cats look so fabulous in them!

Ugh

2009-04-28T16:36:00.000-07:00

I have to say, I'm a little frustrated. I'm not sure who's fault it is, or if anyone is at fault at all. I read articles and books about all of the things that are wrong in the world- human trafficking, aids, orphans, unfair trade, genocide, homelessness... you finish it. There is so much that needs to be fixed. So many people that need to be loved. And so i try to help a little. I do little things here and there and i try to do big things. Im lucky if they even work out. Maybe, to some people, im not trying hard enough. I have no idea. I just get so discouraged sometimes because i feel like i can't do enough. That i can't love enough. As soon as i try something new, i fail or quit. I have an idea to buy something for someone in need, and then i find out that it was made in a sweatshop. I pay for someone's lunch, and then i remember that i forgot to tithe. I go to an expensive Christian college to learn how to do all of the things i want to do for God better, then i read about people who give up all of their money to just go to Africa and serve the needy. I try to educate myself on how to do things better, but all i get from it is what a bad job i'm doing at it. It's not like i feel obligated to do good things. I really really want to because i love God and i love people. It just seems like i do it badly. I don't have a solution yet to my ramblings. So there's my heart right now.

Rhythm

2009-04-15T19:51:00.000-07:00

I heard this from a guy today.

We start out life experiencing rhythm.

The first thing we feel is our own heart beat, and the first thing we hear is our mother's heart beat.

Our bodies function to a rhythm.

Our music has a rhythm.

This guy said that sometime in our life, if we are Christians, we start to hear God's rhythm, His heart beat.

I sense His heart beat in church sometimes, sometimes not.

I hear His heart beat when i hear stories of people giving up everything they have for something or someone they love.

I feel His heart beat when someone hugs me.

I see it when i see something so beautiful it literally takes my breath away.

I sense His heart beat when i create something. I see it in relationships- mother-daughter, father-daughter, marriage, friendships.

I love to feel God's heart beat. I crave it. I long for it so much that i want it for myself. I want to have His heart beat. I don't always understand why. It isn't the most logical thing. I look pretty dumb to most people i'm starting to notice. But there's something inside me i can't control anymore. I want what God wants and i don't even know what it looks like yet. I just know that i'm headed there.

I've heard this phenomena called "passion". Maybe that's what i have. It seems too lofty for me. It sounds like it requires unfailing commitment and responsibility. I don't measure up to that yet. I fail a lot. But what i have is something like that i think. It's a scary thing to be honest, but it is equally wonderful.

Seeds

2009-03-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

Im doing a Beth Moore study that looks at the Psalms of Ascent. I was reading something the other day that really stuck out to me. She was talking about when she went to Angola to serve the poor. As she was stood there trying to "absorb the sights and smells of living death", one of her friends said, "One of the most frustrating things is that in villages where they receive seed, they often eat the seed rather than planting it and bringing forth a harvest."

Why do some people (me included) read the bible, listen to endless amounts of messages, and read multiple books on how to break free from this or that sin, and still remain in bondage?

We are so moved by a message or a passage in a book that we actually cry over it.

We've memorized the scriptures about loving our enemies and forgiving people, but we walk past people who have hurt us and treat them as if they don't exist.

The biggest thing for me is that i can quote scriptures about how Jesus died on the cross for our sins and forgave me, but i still walk around feeling guilty and unworthy of love.

I, and i trust many others, have heard that God lives in us, but we have absolutely no confidence in ourselves. We pray, but don't really think an actual change will happen. We play it safe because we don't really think God can work through us.

Why do some people see the results of God and others don't?

Because we have eaten the seed instead of sowing it.

When we hear something that we feel God is telling us, we relish the moment and thank God for using the Word, the speaker, a book, etc. but we forget to actually believe it and try it out in our own lives. We think it sounds awesome and we can see how it could change our life forever, but somehow we just don't do it. What happens is that we ate the seed instead of sowing it.

"...The seed of God's Word can fill our stomachs and give us immediate satisfaction and still not produce a harvest.-- that's when we eat the seed instead of sowing it."

Again, these are not my thoughts, but they were so powerful to me that i had to share them.

This is what God is teaching me.

I love you guys!

"You Can't Take It with You"

2009-01-31T12:02:00.001-08:00

I got a part in the spring play: "You Can't Take It With You"! It is a dramedy (a comedy with a moral lesson) and so far it is histerical! It's set in the 1930's and my character, Gay Wellington, is an "actress" who Mrs. Sycamore meets on a bus and invites home to read one of her plays. She is an alcoholic and gets very drunk and passes out shortly after arriving at the Sycamore's home. Basically i am a younger version of Miss Hannigan from the play/movie "Annie".

I know you guys have a short attention span so if you want to know more about it come see the play (April 18-20) or google it. :)

Here are some pictures i found:

Cadbury Eyebrows

2009-01-29T08:53:00.001-08:00

Share Yourself T-Shirts!

2009-01-16T18:40:00.001-08:00

Ok so i know this probably isn't going to be very effective considering only a handful of people actually read this blog. I have to start getting an idea of how many t-shirts to order before i actually order them. They are probably going to be around 10 or 15 dollars depending on how many i can order and sell the first time around. The profits go to various ministries in Toccoa like a crisis pregnancy center and a soup kitchen. (Read more on my blog "React") It's is a really cool way to be the hands and feet of Christ so if you want one hit me up! And please tell everyone you know about them. Print out the pics, whatever you want. Comment or call me.

Recent Nuggets

2009-01-15T19:14:00.000-08:00

I saw this on Rach's blog who saw it on Jeremy's blog and i decided to copy them... :)

I guess these are like little nuggets of my life recently. Thoughts. Realizations. Reminders.

Let's see where to begin...

I have read my face off in the last few weeks

I have underestimated my friends lately

I've learned that people don't pay as much attention to you as i fear they do

I've also learned to knit

The highlight of my day is trying to complete workout videos with Tori and Brooke without laughing the whole time

Im incredibly excited about God's plan for my life through the counseling program and eventually social work

but...

Im still shocked that my major's building burnt down

I've learned that freedom has a way of destroying things

I've also noticed that the walls of our room are paper thin (i still love you care)

Recently i've been able to use hard things in the past to help someone now and it's beautiful how life works

College books are expensive

I need to learn to have more faith in people and probably in God while im at it

I also need to be constantly aware that when i mess with a part of a person's life i mess with their entire life

and finally

too much peanut butter makes me sick :)

Choconutters

2009-01-13T11:57:00.000-08:00

Bread + PB + ChocoChips = another delectable revolution in sandwich making!

Enjoy!

Pink Sunsets

2009-01-13T11:28:00.001-08:00

I've always had a thing for pink sunsets...

Last year on the way back from passion i was talking to Melissa Pope about them and she told me that they are caused by the reflection of light against pollution in the air.

more pollution= more brilliant sunset

I took this picture the night of the fire. I just thought it was so beautiful that God could make something so breathtaking out of such a catastrophe.

Isn't our God creative?

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. ~Isaiah 61:3

Gate Cottage Fire

2009-01-12T09:50:00.000-08:00

video.php

Our Counseling building/Falls Gift Shop/Gate Cottage Restaurant burnt to the ground earlier this morning around 2:30. I have the video link (hilarious by the way... you have to check that jive out!) above and a few pictures. Pray for TFC!

Naptime Adventures!

2009-01-06T16:20:00.001-08:00

So i took a nap today... every time i take naps i have the craziest dreams!

And so it begins...

My mom, David (my stepdad) and i were looking around in this old abandoned skyscraper for who knows what. I really cant remember what the big deal was but we were really paranoid. We were afraid that "they" were going to catch us looking for whatever it was that we were looking for.

All of a sudden we find this baby... but not just any baby. This baby makes really creepy facial expressions. I don't know how to explain how weird it was but it sort of looked like adult eyes in a baby's head and it made really mature expressions. I felt like i could have an intelligent conversation with this baby. Anyway we left "it" there because the "people" were catching up to us.

Here's where it gets good... We jump on our "hoverboards" and fly to a restaurant. As we walk in i notice that i have a tracker thing that makes me see infared sort of. I can only see the body temperature of the baby's mom. (convenient) So i see her but when i turn it off i cant find her. Then everybody leaves the restaurant except my aunt and cousin and this random lady who is at a table by herself. My family and i go seat ourselves with my aunt and try to figure out how to figure out who the "baby-momma" is. But lo and behold i have this grand epiphany! I reason that the lonesome lady across the restaurant must be the baby-momma because that's just how dreams work. So my mom goes over to talk to her. ...I have know idea why... Somehow i forgot that it was a dream and... here's where it gets embarassing... i pray for my mom... I know! When i realize what i just did and that this is just a dream i wake up laughing.

I really do hope this saga continues...

Puzzle

2008-12-23T13:29:00.000-08:00

Wow. It is almost the end of 2008. I couldn't wait for this year to come. I couldn't wait for all of the new changes... my senior year, graduation, college possibly, turning 18. It has been a crazy year and i loved every second of it. 2009 i'm not too sure about. I've been desperately but futiley trying to figure out what i want to do with my life. And not just that but what i even enjoy or am good at. It's a bit frustrating.

Sometimes i feel like i'm playing that game where you get blindfolded and have to hold on to the person in front of you and let them lead the way. Im worried that i'll trip and fall along the way to wherever i'm going. Im worried that the way to my destination is going to hurt.

Sometimes i feel like i'm playing the same game but i cant hold on to the person and i have to just listen to their voice. That's a whole new level of worry. What if i hear the wrong thing? What am i about to run into?

The scariest times are when i feel like im playing that game but it's the part at the end where the other person is standing across a long distance from me and they tell me to just run as fast as i can straight toward their voice. Running blindfolded is a terrifying thing. Not only am i worried about running the wrong way or tripping over something but im worried because im worried... Do i really trust the person who's telling me to run?

To me it's like this mysterious thing called "God's will" is hit or miss and only the really good Christians know how to get there or know how keep their balance along the way at least.

But then i think where are we actually going? What am i trying to get to? Once im "there" (wherever that is) my mind will already by headed to the next place won't it? If i "arrive" will i notice it? Will i appreciate it?

Maybe life isn't a path. At least if it is, i think it's better for me not to think of it as one. Jeremy helped me think of it as a puzzle. You can't solve a puzzle the wrong way because all of it fits together eventually. I don't even have to understand what it is supposed to look like. All i have to do is find something that looks like the piece in my hand. Pretty simple.

Maybe "it's not figuring out the puzzle out but knowing that it all fits."

This next year is full of these: ???, and i am going to try to not let that get to me for a change. So what if i try to put something together that doesn't fit? I'll pick up another piece and try again. I'm in no hurry to get the puzzle finished because the adventure and joy is in putting it together.

Normal is a Myth

2008-12-02T18:08:00.000-08:00

What is "normal" anyway? And why is it so important? Why are we desperately trying to stay within this imaginary zone of normality? Why does it make us uncomfortable when people do something different or risky?

I happened upon this quote in a book called The Shack. (I dare say it's one of the best books i've read in my entire life- check it out!) And it has completely rocked my world. I find myself quoting it in my mind almost every day. I do this because i've noticed that i struggle an awful lot with this fear of being abnormal. Silly i know. I apply it to all kinds of levels in my life.

Me and my friend... i'll call her Betty... were talking one day about all of the things we would change about ourself. Pretty normal subject matter in the world of teenage girls. Anyway, we kept saying that this part of our body or that way we think about this is different than everyone else it seems. It's extremely unnerving to realize that one part about yourself is not like most people. I am usually a person who enjoys being different... but i have to admit, sometimes it's uncomfortable when that something different isn't something i was trying to make different.

But again... What is normal anyway? Is it a perfectly tone, olive-complected body? Is it middle-class? How much money does it make? Does it always agree with everyone? Does it stay in the United States? Does it have tattoos? Does it have perfectly manicured nails? What political party does it claim? Does it have to be smart?

If normal is what i think it is i don't think Jesus would like it very much. It's oddly comforting to see that Jesus was in no way "normal".

The Bible talks about us Christians being a "peculiar" people. (Exd 19:5, Deu 14:2, Deu 26:18, Psa 135:4, Tts 2:14, 1Pe 2:9) I looked up what that word "peculiar" really meant and it surprised me. It always has to do with a possession or obtaining a possession.

So here's what i'm thinking...

When God saved us, He reconciled us to Him. He is making us into what we were created to be. We are his possessions. His peculiar people. We are being made into what we should have been... something very abnormal compared to the rest of the world.

If i explained this clearly it should be a very freeing thought. Who cares if we are "normal".

Because "normal" in our minds really doesn't count for much does it?

Because "normal" is a myth.

It's Here!

2008-11-13T17:33:00.001-08:00

Front:

Back:

YAY!!!

This is so exciting that it is starting to come together finally. If you're totally lost, check out "React".

I'll be sure to update you guys on how it goes!

2008-11-06T16:16:00.001-08:00

me and a friend went hiking...

VOTATION!

2008-11-04T19:13:00.001-08:00

I too voted for the first time in my life and it was thrilling! Here's a snapshot of the magical moment:

Beautiful

2008-10-13T18:57:00.000-07:00

I really just want to light something on fire... haha. I really do want to scream though. I love writing but GEEZ LOUISE at the papers I have to do! I know I'm a cry baby.... :)

So whenever I have a stressful day i just walk and run around campus until I cant breathe anymore... So that's what I did today. It was so nice just to spend time with myself and God. I went to the falls by myself for the first time. I think it should be a requirement for every human being to sit by themselves for an hour or two in nature. There's something freeing in beauty. That's always been my favorite characteristic of God. Maybe it's just because I'm a girl, I dunno. But it just makes me smile when I see something truly beautiful. Like when light hits the dust in the air or the rocks in the sidewalks just right--it reminds me of stars. Today I just sat on the sandbar by the falls and I literally could not take my eyes off of it. I wasn't praying or even thinking. I was just enraptured. Beauty does that to a person. It makes me forget where I am and what I'm doing or about to do. It forces me to be fully present in a moment. Maybe that's why I'm so addicted to finding it in everything.

...Just my thoughts on my little escapade. I hope you have a beautiful day today.

"He hath made everything beautiful in His time. He has also put eternity in their hearts, but man cannot discover the work God has done from beginning to end."

React

2008-10-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

So the Toccoa girls and I have been thinking for a while about how to react. God has been placing this burden in our hearts since long before each one of us came to Toccoa. One girl has been praying with her church specifically for the homeless for six months. One night she was crying into her pillow and realized that homeless people don't have pillows to cry into. They don't have anything soft to lay their head on. She wants to change it. Simple. Another girl has tremendous compassion for the girls at the local crisis pregnancy center. She wants to get involved in their life and support them in every way she can. Other girls say they are sick of having everything handed to them. They want to give because it just feels right that way. A few other girls just say that they don't see why they wouldn't give to other people. Beautiful. We've grown up reading the Bible and some of us even teaching it. We've heard sermons about Jesus' life and have had to study it for tests. His life seems so foreign to us but it's intriguing. Jesus made friends with the poor and outcasts. He ate with them and lived to meet their needs. We've come to the conclusion that we think Jesus really meant it when He said feed the poor. So that's what we are going to do. A few of us like to create so we decided that we would design a t-shirt to sell for a few organizations around Toccoa. We are working with Jordan Andree (JordanAndree.com Check it out!), and we will be sure to send a picture as soon as we come up with something. We wanted to make a shirt that would help as many causes that needed funds. As of right now we are helping the local crisis pregnancy center, pond street ministries, a ministry that provides necessities to government housed people, and Shirly's Soul Food, an organization that helps homeless people get back on their feet. (That's where we will donate the pillows!) We are so excited to actually put our faith in action. Like a few of the girls said- it just feels right. Please pray with us that we can react the way Jesus did.

College...what???

2008-08-14T19:56:00.000-07:00

I AM EFFERVESCENT!!!!! (psh... i got that from thesaurus.com. pretty dern sweet i think!)

We leave tomorrow and we move in saturday...

I didn't realize how much crap i had... I filled up two cars but i swear i only packed necessities! I am so ready to go. It's so wierd because i really didn't think i was going to be able to go. God is so funny! Anyway... Ill be sure to write about what's happening later.

~peace.

AHHHHHH IM GOING TO COLLEGE!!!!! YAY!!!

Dirty

2008-07-29T12:36:00.000-07:00

July 21, 2008

Today we went to the orphanage. I was sitting on the veranda with some of the girls from the other church and this autistic girl runs in screaming bloody murder and jumps into my lap. I couldn't catch her so she just threw herself in a corner and continued sobbing and throwing her head back and forth. All i could do was go over and put my hand on her head and whisper to her until she calmed down. Slowly her breathing steadied and she crawled into my lap. It was one of those times when i had to mentally record the moment. The whole day at the orphanage was filled with those. When i held the babies as i was feeding them i tried to record in my mind how precious and content she looked. I love those times when i am fully present somewhere. It just feels like it fits. I know it's a mother/girl thing but there is so much peace in holding someone. Even if you are consoling someone it brings you peace. Those kids were filthy but i couldn't help but hold them. Maybe that's why God wants us to enter into people's lives. To get involved with the nitty gritty parts of people's lives. If i stand on the outside and think that charity checks do the job then i and the other person completely miss out on the connection and peace in a hug. I think God knew what He was doing when He brought Jesus into the world in poverty. God wanted Him to be intertwined with the lives of the poor. Not just for their benefit but for ours as well. This whole new concept i'm learning called the Kingdom of God is indescribable. It's beauty captivates me and i cant help but pursue this new way of life. But i can tell you one thing. This kingdom isn't at all clean.

And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said, Blessed [be ye] poor: for yours is the kingdom of God.

Luke 6:20

Sand Dollars

2008-07-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

So do you ever have those moments when you say something and think "Ok God just totally possessed my body there for a second and said that" haha. I had that yesterday.

I'm on vacation with my mom and family in Hilton Head. Yesterday my mom and I went walking on the beach to collect sand dollars. Yeah, my mom is most likely going to make jewelry out of them. (surprise surprise haha) As we were walking i noticed that my mom was collecting a lot more than me. The competitiveness came out in me all of a sudden. So i separated from them so i could find more than them. ha! I only found a few and i saw that they were collecting tons. So i just caught back up with them.

As i was walking with them i said, "I think the reason i can't find as many is because i keep looking ahead of me instead of looking right at my feet."

I think i do that with a lot of things.

Sometimes i try so hard to look for God so that i can help others. I almost get burnt out trying to learn something. But i've been thinking lately that it's a lot easier than that. Maybe God is right at my feet.

Fried Chicken

2008-07-13T19:28:00.000-07:00

So im at Walgreens on break and the lame music cuts off. It was great but i wondered why and i walked outside of the break room and half the power was out. My friend walks in and says a lot of people are surrounding a dead buzzard in the middle of the road. We don't know if big bird is the cause but i still think it's stinkin' hilarious because IT IS SWEET REVENGE ON THOSE BLASTED BIRDS!

Attacked

2008-07-01T08:02:00.001-07:00

I just had the most terrifying and hilarious thing happen to me...

OK so i am taking my morning walk as usual and i spotted this big black crow in the middle of the road feasting on some fresh squirrel carcass... perfect time to take a picture right? I took a couple on my phone and kept walking. And then it happened...

This little brown bird swoops down and pecks me in the head and almost takes my ponytail out! I turned around to see if it was the crow and this little bird is flying right in front of my face like staring me down!!!

I guess he was like the crow's side-kick hit-man or something. He had about three more hovering above him in case some idiot dared to take another picture.

Needless to say i screamed for dear life and ran all the way home.

Yes you better believe there will be pictures... I just have to figure out how to get them on here off my cell phone.

I guess Canada Day is making those birds loopy...

Balloons

2008-06-19T19:44:00.000-07:00

When you were a little kid didn't you just love to get balloons? One night when i was working at "the wal" (walgreens lol) there was this little kid riding around in the buggy and he had a balloon in his hand. I just knew what was about to happen though... and sure enough it did. He let it go. It wasn't a big deal because we got him another one, but i just thought to myself, "Now how many more times am i going to have to do that?" Sometimes when i was little i would just forget that the balloon was in my hand and it would float away. That was always a bummer.

I have been learning some really cool stuff lately and a few of my thousand plus questions have been being answered in the coolest ways. I love how God is working in my life right now. But to be completely honest, the better it gets the more paranoid i become. Sometimes i feel like i have to hold on to God so tight. I am so scared of losing sight of Him.

It's like im holding a balloon. I want to hold on to it because it's pretty and fun to play with, but sometimes i want to use that hand for something else. I dont want to let go though because i might not be able to reach it again. So i hold on to it. But what if i just forget that it's in my hand and i let it go? What if i don't notice that i've lost it?

All of these thoughts came to me last night (June 18) as i was writing to God. I have a really pretty journal that has verses on the bottom of each page. It's kind of funny how each verse somehow fits with what i was saying on that page (Very cool God!) So yesterday's verse was Matthew 28:20 "Surely I am with you always, to the very end of this age."

I cant really tell you this cool analogy that i made up to answer my question. All i know is that i have to trust the Bible. That is what it says and that is what im hanging on to until God decides to give me a further explanation.

I dont know if anyone has ever felt like this. Heck, i might just be making a complete fool of myself. But this isnt about me. I want to help other people but im not going to write about what i think other people need. I have to write about what is true in my own life because that is all i can do. I am the only person i can speak for. Maybe someone can learn something from it. This is what God is doing right now and that has to have some weight.

~peace.

My Serendipity

2008-06-13T20:16:00.000-07:00

...Wow... My day was just that.

So I love thesaurus.com. It makes me sound so smart in my term papers. :) I was looking for a word to perfectly describe today, and I found the perfect one.

Serendipitous: the faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident.

Let me elaborate...

So my day started about 12:30 this morning. I woke up in a sweat. Not because of a scary dream or anything, but because it was actually like 90 degrees in my house. Why? I’m glad you asked... MY ELECTRICITY WENT OUT! Ugh! And for the most ridiculous reason i've ever heard... a woodpecker... yeah... Having the electricity out is only fun when it’s on a cold night and you get to have fun with flashlights. But that was not the case today... You see last night we had fajitas for dinner. They were delicious! But this morning the whole house smelled like hot raunchy onions. So here I was annoyed and sweaty and bored. So I decided to check my facebook mail...HA!!!

So after that I just figured that the hot outside was better than the hot oniony inside of my house and I decided to go for my morning walk. There was nothing better to do so I walked farther than I usually do this morning. I always love going into this neighborhood called Sapphire Island. No, not because it's a magical land with roads made of sapphire...ha-ha. It's has just always been a beautiful place to me. Every house or mansion I should say, has a dock that overlooks Betz Creek. The neighborhood always has the most colorful flowers on every lawn and the sides of the streets are covered with tall palm trees. But today when I walked through the neighborhood it was different or maybe it was always this way and I never really noticed it. It was really quiet. I was greeted only once with a head nod and half of a wave. As I walked farther I noticed I was alone. No one was outside. The only other greeting I received was from a whiny cat who I think had rabies or something. Maybe there was no one else outside because everyone was at work; or maybe because the power was out and everybody else's house smelled tolerable enough to stay inside. I don’t know. It just felt eerie. Every single house had beautiful homely porches with two or three rocking chairs but I never saw anybody sitting in them. I saw picnic tables and baseball toy games in the yard but nobody was out there to use them.

I remember when we were in the Dominican Republic. When we went horseback riding through the villages we had to make sure we didn’t run over people because everyone was outside. There were dozens of people sitting around the streets just talking and laughing with each other. We saw old ladies fixing soup for anyone to have as they came to visit. We saw a huge game of baseball going on. It seemed like all the guys from the village were either playing or cheering them on. These people were really living.

I think that it’s ironic that the Dominican people had next to nothing yet they were the most giving people I have ever met. Maybe we are different because we have so much. Maybe if we didn’t put so much worth into our possessions they’d be easier to give away. Maybe the reason Christ tells us to sell our stuff and give to the poor is not just for their benefit but for ours as well.

Maybe this all sounds cliché to you, but all of this has really rocked my world this week. I don’t have a deeply profound little slogan to explain my thoughts. I don’t have a three-point lesson. I don’t even think I have final point. My purpose in doing this blog is to tell other people how I am recognizing God in our world with hopes that they will be inspired to do the same. I know all of this sounds random. So maybe all I want to say in closing is that today I saw huge beautiful houses with unfriendly and closed off people living in them and in the Dominican Republic I saw run down shacks with some of the most giving, genuine, and wonderful people in the world living in them. Maybe someone can learn something from this. Comment if you did.

~Peace

"I, therefore, a prisoner in the Lord, urge you to walk worthy of the calling you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience accepting one another in love, diligently keeping the unity of the spirit with the peace that binds us. There is one body and one Spirit just as you were called to one hope at your calling; one Lord, on faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all" Ephesians 4:1-6

The Love of God is Folly

2008-06-09T20:55:00.000-07:00

So this is my first post... kind of exciting i think! This one isn't an answer to any of my one of my seven thousand and two questions. It just explains the crazy cool meaning behind my blog title: "L'amour de Dieu est folie!"

I first stumbled upon this awesome nugget when i was reading "The Ragamuffin Gospel". (great book by the way, visual edition too!)
On Easter morning in France, you will see this phrase posted on the side of buildings, buses, and houses; graffitied on sidewalks and lamp posts and written on bathroom walls. The French sing it in church and even use it as a greeting as they wave to their neighbors. It means the love of God is folly (or foolishness). It sounds absurd and yeah it is. But it is kind of cool when you think about it. Jesus came down from perfectville and became one of us lousy humans, wasn't even liked by many people, was punched and spit on, humiliated, and eventually nailed to a piece of wood- for us. All because he...loved us? I've been learning lately that God’s love is not rational most of the time. Not only is it not rational, but it is also not in the least bit dignified. I was reading this other guy's blog and he put it perfectly. "The love of God is folly. It's insanity. It's crazy. Its the stuff of legend and myth and story. It's a scandal. It's an injustice. It's not reality. Or maybe I am all of those things and the love of God is all that really is."

God's love is that unrelenting. And that is hard for me because Christ tells us to love like He loves. I don’t have any examples of how I have loved someone like that lately because, frankly, I stink at it. We all do sometimes. But I pray that I, along with anyone else who is reading this, will have an opportunity to give someone this crazy thing called love. (I think that’s a title of a song… ha) We are all on this journey together so if you have any cool stories about how you have given love, received love, or seen love in action, please comment.

“I pray that you, being rooted and deeply established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love and to know the Messiah’s love that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with the fullness of God.”
Ephesians 3:17b-19

Come and See

2008-01-08T21:01:00.000-08:00

Fleece Blanket Drive

It all started with me wanting to help but I didn’t know how. I wanted to be the hands and feet of Christ but I didn’t know how to start. Mrs wendy gave an excellent suggestion for a fleece blanket drive for the homeless. A fleece blanket does a lot of good b/c it’s a source of warmth, shelter, and it gives security.

Well all I needed was a big box. Me and my mom went to sams club b/c they always have huge quantities of random stuff that goes in big boxes. As I was walkin down the aisle, I saw a big box that was perfect , but it was filled with towels. So I proceeded to put the towels in another box- I was determined lol So me and my mom just took the boxes. Well we felt guilty for not askin so we asked the little greeter lady if we could have them- like she would know! (lol)- and she said sure so we took them. I wouldn’t recommend stealing though! lol

So all I needed was a box to be the hands and feet of Christ. A lot of times we just talk about being Christ to others and helping the community but we never do it. After a message we say, yeah that’s a beautiful thought and ill think on that for this week but as for applying it… yeah not so much for me. My life is sooo busy and God will understand that… We start to spiritualize what the bible says so much that it becomes “un-applyable” In a recent survey of “strong Christians” nearly 80% of them said that Jesus spent time with the poor. This same group of Christians was later asked if they spent time with the poor and less than 2% said they did.

Therein lies an important lesson. We can admire and worship Jesus without doin wht he did. We can applaud at what he preached and stood for without caring about the same things. We can adore his cross without takin up our own.

With the fleece blanket drive I didn’t try to find an easy way to help--- I wanted to help and it happened to be easy. Being the hands and feet of Christ ive learned is nothing complex- its simply loving your neighbors. Mother Teresa used to say,”We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put in doing it.” One of the coolest things about her, is that when ppl would admire her and ask her how serving the dying poor in Calcutta was goin, she would just simply say “Come and See”

Maybe you saw this posted on the fleece blanket drive box . I thought it beautifully explains what Mother Teresa means by “come and see””
Two guys are talking to each other, and one of them asks why God allows all this poverty and way and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says well why don’t you ask him. The guys shakes his head and says that he is scared. When his friend asks why he mutters, “Im scared God will ask me the same question.” Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the spirit whisper to me, “You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet.”

There are about 4000 to 5000 homeless people in Savannah alone.
The death rate of homeless people is almost four times greater than that of the general population.
Harsh living conditions and constant exposure to the elements leave a homeless person more susceptible to acute illness and traumatic injuries.
What can be the first thing to start with when becoming the hands and feet of Christ?

On the union mission and savannah city mission website there are wishlists that contain things that are sooo simple to donate. Things like nail-filers, towels, socks, light bulbs, and umbrellas. Another thing that is really good to donate is CAT bus tickets.

For all of those who donated blankets, towels, and other things- thank-you. And not only do I thank you for making this happen and being a blessing to me but the guys at the union mission thank-you- they told me so! When I dropped the blankets off, some of the men who lived there came to help us carry them to the mission. They looked at the blankets- something so basic- as something worth so much. Not only did you give them warmth, shelter, and security--- but you gave them love- something that everyone needs a constant supply of.

God Bless

Beautiful Elizabeth

2007-09-26T21:04:00.000-07:00

so something really cool happened to me a couple of weekends ago... if u were in sr high church last wed u already heard this in "flabbergasting moments" haha!

so like every-other saturday i work at this place called "sharkey's cuts for kids" its a children's haircut place. well upstairs they have this room where little girls can have bday parties and us (the "glamour girls" lol) do their hair, makeup, and nails. they dress up and we dance with them- we basically make them feel like princesses or hanna montana- whoever they want to be and give them a taste of royalty for a day. -thats a blessing in and of itself-
well one saturday i had to to a party all by myself. and it was just for one little girl on her 7th bday and she was with her aunt and grandma. it was kind of weird just playin with one little girl and i was wonderin why her whole family wasnt there... so after we were done her aunt came to me and told me thankyou and said that her mom had died 3 years ago and that this was one of the only opportunities that she gets to feel "beautiful". she lives her dad and brother so she never got to do any "girly stuff"....

i was just in awe of the situation. i know this little girl will barely remember when her mom died b/c she was young- but the life she will have w/ out a mom- i cant even imagine it! i have never been thru something like that so i cant relate to her or people reading this who have been thru something like that. But what i can tell u is this- God wont leave you hangin...
i was talkin to care j. about this and i asked what she would tell someone who had been thru this and she told me her favorite verse was Jeremiah 29:11
"For i know the thoughts i think toward you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end."
If you are reading this from that little girls point of veiw:
i can tell you with out a doubt (b/c the Bible says so) that GOD WILL NOT LEAVE YOU IN THIS ALONE! God has always been there for me even tho my problems are trivial compared to hers. God will fill any void in your life- he can be a mom, a daddy, even a lover who pursues you and loves you. He is your everything and dont doubt for a second that he doesnt know how u feel....

If you're reading from my point of view:

"Each time anyone comes into contact with us, they must become different and better people having met us. We must radiate God's love...intense love does not measure... it just gives." - Mother Teresa

(thats my fav quote of ALL TIME!!! lol)
Do you make it a point everyday to make everyone's life a little better than it was before? Are you striving to make the world a better and more beautiful place? I heard meghan land say once- "you are maybe the only Bible someone will ever read." that is sooo true! Make it a point to show a little love to everyone you meet- b.c you are the hands and feet of Christ. workin a sharkey's gives me the chance to make little girls take a step out of reality and into their wildest dreams. we make them feel like absolute royalty. --- what can you do? Where does God want you to be?

Ecc 3:11 "He hath made everything beautiful in its time"

by the way- her name is Elizabeth, please pray for her...

love you guys!

~Peace